66. On Being Confined.

Dearly Beloved,

In October 2021 I wrote: "Four days ago I was found to be infected with Covid-19 as a result of fulfilling the UK legal requirement for a day-2 test following return from a foreign country. Fortunately I am asymptomatic but I have to self-isolate for ten days and that has produced feelings of anxiety which I believe are associated with the anxiety of being confined at boarding school. 

 Once, as a sixth former I absconded intending to go to the pub with two other boys for a couple of hours. That day the headmaster had travelled by car to a distant town but the car had broken down and he and his wife had returned by train. So as we turned the corner out of a discreet alley we walked right into them and he instantly recognised us. We were all gated for the rest of the term (meaning we were not allowed to leave the school grounds). 

On another occasion I had arranged a deer watching trip and omitted to tell my housemaster, so, despite the trip never happening I was gated for another term. In retrospect I was of an age when I needed to start to become independent, when I needed to get out and about, to meet people but was instead confined. Instead I brewed beer in a disused room that had been used for storing rugby balls and the gallon jars sat covered in a cloth, discreetly bubbling away to themselves. One Sunday morning, one jar was taken and distributed to the lower fourth boys who subsequently all went tipsy to church. We acquired the master key of one of the school buildings and had it copied so we could move in and out at night. All useful life skills, especially if one is confined in a prisoner of war camp.

My wife had read Jennings goes to School and Jennings and Derbyshire by Anthony Buckaridge, that series of books which portray boarding school and which are still read. She said they were fun and made her laugh, she identified with Derbyshire and so she wanted to go to such a school. At the age of 11 her psychiatrist father arranged several visits to different boarding schools. Confronted with intimations of the reality she decided that boarding school might not be quite such a good idea and realised that she was very happy at home. 

We both believed that if you bring children into the world then you should educate and nurture them rather than arbitrarily transfer your responsibilities to others at a boarding school. We have agreed on nothing in our married life with such conviction and we have never regretted it, even if it meant giving up working in the Middle East so that they could be educated at day schools in London.

There has been quite a lot published recently as a result of research, notably by Nick Duffel who has written a book and founded an organisation called “Boarding School Survivors” and Joy Schaverien who famously introduced the idea of “boarding school syndrome”who wrote that:“In order to adapt to the system, a defensive and protective encapsulation of the self may be acquired; the true identity of the person then remains hidden. This pattern distorts intimate relationships and may continue into adult life”

And yet it would be wrong to ignore the benefits bestowed upon me at my boarding school. I received a good academic education. A love of music was instilled by Sunday tea with hot buttered crumpets and classical music from vinyl discs organised by the same housemaster who also ran the school choral society. How can one forget the unlikely enthusiasm of a chorus of boys of all ages singing How Lovely are They Dwellings Fair from Brahms Requiem or the lesser know glories of Handel's Jeptha? Useful life skills were acquired too like the ability to detect and deal with bullies, those who relentlessly would pursue domination of others and who would impose misery upon them. And of course there was the invaluable realisation that some people – teachers and masters and many in later adult life – have real skills in teaching both an academic subject, a sport, music or just how to deal with the exigencies of life. Those people are particularly important in a boarding school and in the life that follows. Long may they prosper."

Peace,

Paul.

Bartolomé Esteban Murillo 1618-1682 Liberation of Peter from Prison. 

Hermitage Museum, Public Domaine.



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