28. On Male Dominance

Dearly Beloved,

There is a description of the ideal wife from Proverbs 31:14-31. This passage describes the resourceful wife who forages, makes cloth and clothes and feeds her household and looks after their every interest. Feminists point out that, whilst the ideal wife works her socks off (well, actually she was probably barefoot) “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land 31:23”. So there he is, sitting with his mates in the gate all day, doing, not much.

This response probably underestimates the demands of male society. Rather unexpectedly, Best Man speeches at weddings have given a recent and unexpected revelations of the combative nature of male society. At one wedding I attended two best men (“friends” from his boarding school) took apart the bridegroom. They started with the observation that on school notice boards the groom was honoured with two initials after his name which indicated he had a scholarship. That allowed an excoriating analysis of his sporting, musical and academic performance to show how unworthy of a scholarship he was. They then proceeded to tell stories of his skinflint nature. Finally it was revealed that his scholarship had been awarded because he was the son of a poor school master. The rhetoric was resolved with the definitive question “What could the jewel of Tunbridge Wells possibly see in this man so that she wished to marry him?"  It seemed odd and cruel to mock someone for being financially not well off, but pretty typical of male society.

Of course men are expected to take it on the chin “cos its only a bit of fun”. The reality is that male society is very combative as we continually vie for a decent place in the various dominance hierarchies that structure our lives. When the husband of Proverbs sits in the gate in the wall of his town, he is not only the first to get news of approaching caravans of goods to trade, or of raiding parties or of nearby tribal strife, he is also maintaining his position in the demanding male hierarchy. After all few human beings are capable of surviving alone, we need one another to survive. Perhaps it is not surprising that human males can be merciless to those whom they see as unsupportive.

Today many individuals, mostly male, with high dominance needs, can do a lot of damage to our societies at all levels. The most extreme manifestation of these people are the Dictators who rule various countries. They have very strong needs to dominate but most lack the skills and intelligence to manage their complex, modern societies in ways which confer reasonable benefits on others. They find problems with taking advice, after all is it not true that to take advice from another person is to submit to them? From the psychological point of view the problem can be overcome if the dominant feels able to make someone else's idea his own. Such people tend to surround themselves with sycophants. Speaking truth to power is difficult which is why dominant people often do not know what is going wrong because no one dares tell them. That leads to chaos in their organisations or governments, which in turn may be met with a paranoid response causing the dominant to lash out in all directions and persecute the innocent.

One of the great manifestations of Christ is his double renunciation of a dominant status – double because it appears both at the human and divine level. Apart from driving out traders from the temple, Jesus did not dominate others; doubting Thomas is not excluded and Judas the betrayer is left to self destruct. As a man Jesus allows himself to be tried by his peers, he does not fight them; he tells Peter to put away his sword when he is arrested. On the divine level God as Christ empties himself of his divinity to appear on earth. “Who being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: but made himself of no reputation, and took the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men; and being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, and even death of the cross.” Phillipians 2:6-8.

So perhaps less time spent sitting in the Gate with the elders to enhance our social status would be a good thing; we males can help others instead, including our hard working wives and partners.

Peace,

Paul

Completed on 23/10/21


A male dominance display amongst school boys. Guess who's got the ball?
Richard Shymansky/ Der Spiegel 

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